Toilet talk - a shared language

There is a certain individual at work who we've dubbed "Knuckles". The best representation of a cave-man I've ever seen; he even has the sloping forehead! Other than the irregular grunts that escape his mouth, the few words that do dominate his vocabulary are rich with jargon.

So rich that I have actually created a dictionary of this 'language' he created. Here are a few of my favourites:

DISSEMINATE ~ to pass round
eg. "I require you to disseminate that information"

VERBALISE ~ talk
eg. "At the meeting, they verbalised their concerns"

CLIENT ~ the program/person you work for
eg. "your skill set meet the client's requirements"

ACCORD ~ refer to (often for a complaint)
eg "I accord you to my supervisor for any further discussions"

COLLATE ~ collect
eg "Please collate information so we can do your P.M.P."

CONFER ~ discuss
eg. "We need to confer on this issue"

NAVIGATE ~ to direct
eg. "I will navigate you to South Australia whereby you can liase with a fellow journalist"

DEPLOY ~ to lend
eg. "All camera equipment has been deployed"

FACILITATE ~ chat with
eg. "I need you to facilitate with your colleagues"

EDIFICATE ~ to inform
eg. "The contents of this discussion are for your edification only"

And those are just a FEW of his most common catchphrases. Now you can see why I decided to come up with a dictionary. Most people I work with just go "huh?" after every conversation with Knuckles. Needless to say his 'knucklisms' has become a great source of entertainment for us. If ever I have a friend feeling down I just forward her on this dictionary.

But there's another guy at work who we (or should I say I) have dubbed "Toilet". His initials are W.C. and is so anal he could have been the inspiration for Jack Nicholson's 'As Good As It Gets'. Much to my disappointment Toilet has started creating his own jargon too aka 'toilet-talk'. It's still early days yet so I haven't got enough words to form a dictionary at the moment but it'll come.

Now I'm all for a bit of jargon here and there, just a little to speed up conversations - but jargon NEEDS to be a SHARED language!! It's like any language - even Tolkien's elvish (who he admittedly shared with a fictional race) - there needs to be a speaker AND a listener. Otherwise you may as well just babble bullshit to a rubber duckie.  

Using jargon does not make you sound smarter, it does not magically put you 'in the loop' and believe me, my bullshit detector is bigger than your vocabulary so no Knuckle or Toilet is going to pull the wool over my eyes.

And I KNOW I ain't alone on this.

So far all of you out there who are planning to drop a few big words into conversations, think very carefully about it because our bullshit detectors will always be bigger than your tongue.