For the love of insomnia

Reading, drinking warm milk, having sex, watching television...

Supposedly all remedies to help you sleep. None of which work for me. It has been some years now that I've been an insomniac; ever since I started on some new meds. As long as I continue to take these meds, I doubt I'll ever conquer my insomnia. 

But really, I don't think I want to. I know it frustrates the hell out of most people but not me. Sure, if I need to get up early then it can annoy me, but for the most part I don't need to rise at the crack of dawn. The fact is I'll be drifting into a stupor, my mind will be kicking into neutral, then wham! I'll be hit with a completely random thought: 

• Would Sherlock Holmes and Jessica Alba share any common interests if they ever met?
  
• Do bats poop upside down?
  
• If there were such things as green smurfs, would they wear white hats?

See? Completely random. It's as if my brain has lost all inhibitions and got sleep-drunk. For those of you who have seen me sleep deprived, I'm sure you'll remember that my mouth operates on auto-pilot, sprouting sentences that are straight out of a James Joyce stream-of-consciousness novel.

My friend Vicky was recently subjected to one of my sleep-drunk moments. After a 13 hour work day, she was giving me a lift home. In a somewhat delirious state, I got into the car and tried to click my seat-belt in. However, I failed miserably in this because I was in fact forcing the seatbelt between the pages of a book that had fallen down the side of the seat. 

That kicked it off. 

"Ooh, there's a book down here. Is it a Jane Austen book? Why are the pages sticky? Most women seem to love Jane Austen. I only read the first five chapters of 'Emma'. I was meant to study it and couldn't be bothered. I wonder what the 'Pride and Prejudice' film is like. Who was the main actress in that --"

-- At which point, she quite wisely cut me off.

So you can see what I mean. With thoughts like that racing through my pre-sleep mind, how could I ever get settled or bored enough to drift off?